Create

This is a week off work for me so I have been busy on my canvas - I think I mentioned that I finally got to work on it after it sitting in it's wrapper for over a year!  Anyway, you'd think I was working on the the Sistine Chapel when in fact I'm fearful I'm on the verge of creating hotel art. Well, hotel art may be a bit harsh - even for me - but possibly reception room art! I have 21 more leaves to paint and then I must repaint all 95 of them because evidently red requires many coats.  I'll be brave and take a photo of it to post & no matter what, it's going on my wall because it is definitely better than the piece o' crap that is currently hanging on my wall over my couch.  In fact, just for the heck of it I will take a photo of that so you can see exactly what I've been living with for oh, say, the past 7 years!! Can you tell I'm rather slow to change?

But I am changing and I'd like to think for the better. Even though my last post kind of surprised my husband that I'd go into such personal details of myself.  My immediate reaction was to worry he was right, but then I stopped myself.  You know, I've spent most of my life putting on a good show for everyone.  Trying really hard to be things I wasn't.  It got me in a lot of trouble and it got me really miserable.  Perhaps I'm swinging too much the other way now - giving out TMI on myself. But this is me. I can't be anything other than that now - I immediately get too uncomfortable in my own skin when I try to be something I'm not.  I've worked too hard to come out of that black hole to willingly go crawling back in.  I sometimes sit on the edge of that hole - looking down into the darkness - but I don't stay there long.  Too risky and I know where that hole leads - I don't ever want to go back there again.

So I'll keep making reception room art if that what it takes to keep me out of holes.