Large Marge

This is Large Marge. My first ever Sculpy creation I made a few years ago in an art exploration class I took with a friend.  This was to be a month long project, but meeting on once a week for a couple hours meant this became a 2 1/2 months long ordeal.  Despite all the time, money and effort she took I dearly love her.  

These are horrible photos that don't do her justice and you can't see some of her better details - the hair ruffled out, the cuteness of the pink slippers and you certainly can't see her pink knickers (not that she'd want you too - she's not THAT kind of girl).  Her right had is looks a bit awkward - she's got it out like she's suppose to be holding something - because when I created her that was my intention.  At first I thought I'd make her a bit of a tough ol' broad and have her holding a beer can and a cigarette, but that didn't feel right - that's not who I am anymore.  I thought about having her holding a birthday card (she's named after my great-aunt Marge who for the past 38 years of my life has sent me a birthday card EVERY year. Actually, she sends EVERYONE in the family a birthday card every year - can you imagine??). But I didn't go with the card. A gift?  Marge is giving me a gift? To this day I still don't know what Marge is suppose to be holding - if anything. 

 Maybe Marge is meant to be empty handed - ready to receive what life hands her.  Maybe it's a reminder to me to stand firmly planted (as surely as Marge is), arms outstretched and open handed - ready to receive.  So often I find it difficult to receive - anything. Gifts, compliments, opportunities, love, friendship, trials, challenges, I could increase the list ad infinitum. Perhaps this is a fitting way to begin a new year - with a reminder to stand wide open to the world.

P.S. Funny where writing will take you. I had no idea this is where I'd end up - with this revelation. I only meant to share a picture of Large Marge. My Higher Power sure has some tricky ways of getting through to me. 

Treasures

Look at my Christmas treasures.  Aren't they lovely.....so many potential creations....Is it weird to smell your art supplies??  My Stabilo Tone pencils smell so divine - nice and woody - lots of potential in them - I just know it!

I suppose I actually have to take things out of boxes/containers and use them to create something - no elves to come and do it for me while I sleep.  But for today I am just happy looking at them - thinking about things.  I dare say I do too much thinking. If I spent as much time on doing as I do on thinking I wouldn't have a place to stand in my house - it would be that chuck full of  realized projects.  But I'm ambling my way there - currently at a snail's pace - even the elderly ladies with their walkers padded with tennis balls are moving faster than I am.  But it's all o.k.-one day at a time and all that jazz.

I tell you what was inspiring to see - the Nutcracker. Madeleine & I got to go to the rescheduled performance yesterday.  I had bought tickets because I thought it would be a fun mother/daughter thing to do at Christmas and also because one of the teenage boys from my Sunday school class was performing in it.  Well, can I just say that kid can dance!  If I had a drop of his talent, converted into my style of art, I'd be creating masterpieces.  A benefit of it being a local production was that it was a smaller, more intimate theater. My daughter could hear the dancers' ballet shoes tapping on the floor. She got to see a person she knows from church show his talent upon the stage - a 'real' person, not just some professional flown in for the occasion.  I want to encourage my kids to follow their passions as much as possible and yesterday I was able to show her an example of someone who is doing just that.  It was encouraging to me as well. I may have a few years on this dancer (well, o.k., more than a few), but is it ever too late to start following your dream?  I know I sound like a Disney film, but I'm doing this thing - this creative thing.  I have no idea what will come of it - if anything - but I can't believe God would put this much desire in me and not help me pursue it.  O.k. - must run - I'm getting myself all choked up.....

Finding Normal

Well, I have survived Christmas - my family is still alive to tell the tale. I am sitting here with post Christmas blues feeling like I have been run over by Santa's sleigh and ALL the reindeer - I do believe if you look closely you will see the hoof prints marching across my face. Or are those just wrinkles......39 is knocking on my door, rather loudly.  

Christmas time puts me in a bit of a funny mood - I do feel for my husband because every year he struggles with how to help me muddle through - I think he is starting to realize all I need is a strong shoulder, big hugs and lots of tissue. 

I'm not even sure why I get in a funky mood - why I get homesick for my family. Honestly if you knew the family I grew up in you'd know there is nothing to be homesick for. Perhaps I long for the family I never had - the way I wish it had been. And through all of this I know that what I need to be focusing on is the family I do have - the one I have created with my husband - the one I am lucky to still have after all the trials and tribulations I've put them through in the past.  And yet there is an ache in my heart during Christmas time - not crippling, but noticeable.  

It will subside the more life returns to 'normal' after the holidays.  I forced myself to get up this morning and spend some time journaling at my desk. Then despite the weather I got out to work at a client's office. It was only for a few hours but all this scheduled activity helps put me back on track.  

The picture is of a quick piece I put together - fused fabric and free motion quilting - all stuck on a canvas board.  It's a cheery little piece - much needed in all this snow & ice.  

Final note - I got such awesome goodies from my hubby - a whole stash of supplies I was needing. And I received a fantastic looking book (haven't yet had time to delve into it) called The Illustrated Life from my dear friend Sharon.  Sharon is my friend who has a talent for finding the most amazing  books - I don't know how she does it or where she shops. I swear she has a magical library hidden in her house - she probably lifts a candle stick on the mantle and the whole fireplace swings open to reveal little elves busy at work creating these books.  I am so grateful to those in my life that encourage my creative side - Sharon & my hubby are two such people.

Arctic Blast 2008

For those of you that don't believe we are getting blasted in the Pacific Northwest just take a look at what Old Man Winter has done.  These trees are usually almost as tall as our roof line. They look like they are bowing in submission to the elements. Matt and I had to get our shovels and whack as much snow and ice off as we could - they didn't fully spring back, but hopefully they will survive.

I was in such a funk yesterday I didn't even log on or do any blog surfing.  I didn't create a thing.

Today I feel much better as I forced myself to get up early and do as much as my normal routine as possible. I even got out and walked with a friend to get a hot cup of joe. It felt good to be out among the living.  I would have made a horrible pioneer woman. If it had been up to me to settle this great land of ours I don't think I would have made it past Plymouth Rock. So God bless all those that braved the wild to come out west - hardy women (and men I suppose). 

Courage

I think the Arctic Blast that the weather man has been predicting for the last week has finally hit.  It has been non stop snowing today.  I am seriously losing my mind with cabin fever.  We had such big plans today - local production of The Nutcracker, lunch at Sushi Land and finish with The Tale of Despereaux.  My daughter and I have been looking forward to this day for weeks.  Well, we only got to do 1 out of 3 - Nutcracker got cancelled and by the time we got out of Despereaux the roads were getting too dodgy so we came straight home.  

And that is were I have been for the rest of the day.  The kids have bickered and honestly, my son has gotten on every nerve of mine - and given the circumstances, I have approximately 2 left - I was saving them for Christmas day.  

So it was back to my craft room to do something....anything. It was hard to focus - I felt really edgy and just not with it.  I pulled out the Kelly Rae book for inspiration and by the looks of my photo you can see I was seriously challenged this time around.  Not as pleased with this piece as I was with the woman.  But it is kind of neat to have a 3-D effect - the wings and heart actually pop off the board.  Those tissue paper wings were a real you-know-what to make.  My glue stuff I use kept tearing the bloody tissue - I was about to shove them up some ones bum, but calmed myself enough to finish the job.  

Again I used a quote by Mary Anne Radmacher - one of my favorites of hers:

courage does not always roar. sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying "i will try again tomorrow".

You gotta love that saying. I think we've all been there in one way or another. Sometimes courage for me is just getting out of bed to face the day - which arrives after lengthy prayers for God to give it to me - please.  I think this week will be asking for the courage not to destroy my family before Christmas......

I know I should be taking this forced vacation as a gift from God - I was scheduled to work at clients all this coming week and if this snow continues there is no way I can get to them - they are all over - Gresham, Portland, Hillsboro - there's just no way. So I should be enjoying this time with my family, right? Should be enjoying this chance to create more - I sure have had the time to make some gifts for people.  These are all good things.  It just comes down to control and schedules - something I am a bit freakish about given how I grew up.  My sponsor would say this is a growth opportunity - a chance to work on letting go.  Yeah, yeah, blah, blah.  It all sounds so good in theory, but let's be honest - a few more snow days and I'll be climbing up the walls and swinging from the rafters. Now THAT could make for an interesting blog post!   

Sew Cute

Today was another snow day off for my kids - so I guess their vacation has started early.  My daughter, Madeleine, h made an apron for her doll last night with her sewing teacher and was desperate to make another one. This would not have been my first choice of creative outlet for the day, but it was time spent with my daughter making something.  Better than zoning out in front of the t.v. all day.  We did not have a pattern for this apron as it belonged to the sewing teacher so we winged it. I have to say - we didn't do half bad.  She did 95% of the sewing - I just provided support and handled the tricky parts. She is quite proud of herself, as I am.

She told me she got inspiration from a blog I showed her last night - judyperez.blogspot.com. Judy had posted that her daughter, Nina, had cranked out 50 little monsters that she creates and had photos of all of them.  I think Madeleiene has visions of creating tons of aprons & selling them.  Hey, more power to her.  You never know.  

I've been lucky to have so much time this week in my space - creating and blogging.  Next week I won't be so lucky.  I work every other week as a bookkeeper and next week is a work week - despite Christmas.  I'm gearing up for year end with my clients -thank God I don't do tax returns - hand it all over to the CPA I subcontract with. And unfortunately, this tax season, due to the economic times, I'm going to have to pick up some extra project work.  I am really dreading it as it completely drains me and leaves me vacant.  I used to like what I do - but ever since I've allowed myself creative freedom I dread my job more and more.  Although if I'm really honest, I have to admit it appeals to my strong sense of order and balance - after all the numbers either balance or they don't - very black and white.

That is the one area of this whole 'art' thing that I struggle with the most.  There really is no right or wrong - no way to know if it all 'balances'.  It's such a personal thing. What one person may like another may hate. What one calls 'art' another calls junk. I guess at the end of the day we have to do what we love and not worry if others like it.  We create for the sake of creating. We create because we are made in the image of the ultimate Creator.   

Progress

I feel like I had a break through last night.  I had bought Kelly Rae Roberts book Taking Flight (for those struggling to create, drop everything and go get a copy....NOW), but like all the other arty, inspirational books I have, I browsed through it then shelved it - certain I could never do anything she was suggesting.

HA!  I CAN and DID do something.  I took that book out and sat down and got busy.  I had bought an inspiring card by Mary Anne Radmacher (LOVE her words & sayings) with the thought of turning it into something.  And I did. I followed one of the exercises by Kelly Rae and before I knew it I had my Christmas gift done for my sponsee.  Now, I'm not exactly thrilled with the blocky look of the card on the front of the skirt - would have much preferred the cut out kind of words, but I love Mary Anne's hand writing and couldn't figure out how to chop up the words without ruining them. So this is what I got - not too bad. At least I accomplished something. 

Yes, it's a copy of Kelly Rae - it's an exercise from a book, but I'm hoping over time to develop my own style - my own ideas.  I think we all have to start somewhere and the most important thing is to make the start.  

I'm feeling so incredibly grateful for this progress and for my life today.  Honestly, 7 years ago I could never have pictured myself doing this - sitting in my crafty room getting crafty!  Yes, Virginia there is a Santa Claus and he just delivered me an invaluable gift - courage.  

A Beginning

Deep breath...keep breathing.....don't pass out....eyes wide open....get ready....JUMP!  This is my first blog posting and I have not a clue as to what I'm doing with a blog.  It is something I have thought about since picking up a copy of Artful Blogging (thank you Sharon for that show & tell). That was over a year ago and I suppose my husband finally got sick of hearing me talk about it. While on a get away weekend together he pulled out the lap top and within 10 minutes I had a blog.  I felt absolutely sick to my stomach, but at the same time thrilled that he pushed me into it. I sometimes need that - a good shove/push/kick - just ask my AA sponsor - I'd probably still be on step 1 after 7 years if it hadn't been for her. 

But I digress...I do that often...hence the 'tangent' part of my blog title.  Anyhoo, so my husband creates this blog with some generic title and says "Let's go eat now".  HELLO!  I feel as if he has just taken off all my clothes and thrown me out in the street and NOW he feels like eating?? How can I eat with this unnamed blog floating out there on the world wide web!  Have I mentioned that I have an obsessive mind?  So of course dinner is completely overshadowed by this blog and it is now my mission to properly name it.  I toss around some ideas.  None of which have the word 'Art' in them - I somehow don't feel entitled to use that word.  I like to create things, but don't feel I can call what I create 'art'.  Yes, it's a hang up of mine - one which annoys my husband.  I also have yet to find my 'thing' - I dabble in everything trying to get a feel for it all.  So my husband...he actually has a name, Matt....So Matt suggests using the word 'tangent' somewhere in the title - because I always seem to be going off on one. It drives him nuts because I do this in all areas of my life - what can I say, progress not perfection - I'm working on it.  So I finally concede to using the word 'artistic' in the title - simply because I like the sound of 'Artistic Tangents' better than 'Creative Tangents'. It has a nicer ring to it - don't you think?

So that's how all this was born and now that I have thoroughly bored everyone to death I can continue writing, safe in the knowledge that I have scared everyone off this blog site.  All joking aside - regardless of the possibility of having any readers of this, this is just something I have to do for myself.  It seems that everyone who has a blog says that it really jump started them creatively and pushed them forward on their journey. And that is what I want and what I'm looking for.  Having this blog will hopefully encourage me to keep creating and to be accountable to something.  It is my goal to post photos of progress - once I learn how to post a photo that is!!

I'd have to say this whole journey really got kick started in 2006 after attending a woman's AA retreat.  My sponsor and I went together and after a certain incident which I am not at liberty to write about, we were both a bit agitated that we were not moving forward creatively.  So we are sitting in a speakers meeting, listening to a woman share her story.  What catches both our attention is when this woman shares that a real turning point for her was reading a book called the Artist Way and following the exercises of that book.  She shared that the book was written by a recovering alcoholic.  The whole time I'm sitting there thinking - 'I have that book'!  After the meeting I tell my sponsor I have the book at home - have had it for about 10 years - prior to getting sober when I was grasping at straws to change my life - looking for answers in every self help book available.  We make a pack to work through the book together and I too can say it was a huge turning point for me.  Oddly enough it even helped me further in my recovery because it was the beginning of really connecting to my higher power - God.  It was the first time I really felt in relationship with God and myself too.

So that was the official beginning of my creative journey even though I think the desire has always been in me.  I have always liked to make gifts for people - just ask my mother. She has often been the recipient of my 'creations' - God bless her!  I remember one gift I made for her when I was probably about 6 - we now call it 'The Jar of Dirt'.  I was trying to make one of those sand things people do in jars - you know, where different colors of sand are layered in a jar and magically a dessert scene is created.  Well, I used different colors of dirt and mud to create what I thought was a pretty jar of interesting layers. I knew it didn't look like anything, but the different shades of brown where pretty and I had layered them at different angles.  I wrapped it up, put a bow on it and put it under the Christmas tree.  Christmas morning comes and my mother eagerly opens my gift - excited to see what her daughter made her.  Well, all the mud had obviously dried and what used to be different shades of brown was now just one shade and what she had was a jar of dirt!  I was so distraught and upset, but my good ol' mom went on and on how she loved it and understood exactly what I was trying to make her - only a mom can do that.  I know somewhere in our archives of photos we have a picture of me standing next to my mom holding her 'jar of dirt'.  In fact, I think I need to find that photo and blow it up as a reminder of my true beginning!  

Well, I think I must end this and get my day started - much to do for Christmas and the kids have a snow day from school.  The photo at the beginning of this post is the gift I made for my mom this year.  A little improvement from the jar of dirt. I created a little fabric panel and sewed it to a reusable grocery bag - so she can go green creatively!