Jumbo Bookmark????

This projected was suppose to be a cute LITTLE bookmark for a client......I know you can't tell the size by the photo, but let me assure you, it is NOT the size of a bookmark - unless you are a giant, then it will work very nicely for you. It has now become an over sized 'Christmas' card for my client. I was inspired by a project I saw in a book called Sew Liberated. I was originally thinking I'd do some free motion stitching, but ended up just fusing all the fabric down & doing a quick blanket stitch around the edges to finish it off. Kills me to think of it going in the trash, but I know my client - it will eventually find it's way there. Ouch. But I have to go to their office tomorrow and didn't want to arrive empty handed - hard to get something for people that have tons of money and everything they could possible want.
I swear if I see any hesitation of delight over my little creation I will probably burst into tears. I'm afraid with the holidays & lack of sleep my skin is extremely thin right now - the slightest scratch to my feelings and I burst out bleeding emotions all over the place. Unfortunately, I have witnesses to this bizarre behavior. Not pretty. So with that being said, I must dash off to bed for at least 7 hours of sleep - work & more projects to do tomorrow!

My Space

This is my space. My space that I find comfort in every morning with my cup of coffee and my journal. Sitting down at my desk is like slipping into my skin - it feels right. I gave my room a facelift with a new color this summer. Yes, it's green. No, it doesn't 'go' with the rest of the house because I finally realized it doesn't have to! That was a freeing discovery! It's scary to think of all the boxes I put myself & my world in - perhaps I should ask for a sledge hammer for Christmas to smash all those boxes.

This is my daughter's side of the room. After I set up my art room she asked if she could have a space in it. This was a tough decision for me to come to because I had really just wanted it to be all mine. But then as I thought about it I realized I would have loved to have a space like this as a kid and so I agreed she could have a desk. I did have to put some boundaries around her space as she started to drag half her room down to the art room - stuffed animals etc. We got it sorted out. To be honest she doesn't work in here much, but that's o.k. It's here when she wants it and in the meantime it's an extra desk for me to put stuff!!

Hard to see because of the glare - my photography skills are seriously lacking - but the print on the wall is a Ron Burns print of bloodhounds hanging out of a green Ford truck - title "I wanna go". I just love his paintings of dogs - big eyes & noses, vibrant colors. I'd have a whole room of his work, but I wanted to have room for all the other work that will go on my walls - hopefully some of my own work!! Now isn't that a novel idea!

I love my room. Giving myself permission to get rid of a useless dining room was one of the best decisions I've ever made! Hopefully 2010 will be filled with equally good decisions as I trudge forward on this path of creativity.

Monster Mash

This is my latest creation. I'd like to say this is exactly what I had in mind, but the truth is it is NOTHING like I envisioned - short of it being a monster.

I've been tossing around this idea of our inner demons - things that haunt us. We all have them. They lurk in the shadows. Sometimes they are front and present, being a real bother, talking smak to us. Other times we can keep them bound and quiet.

This guy is inspired by a friend whose demon told her she could do everything by herself - she didn't need anyone's help. That's why this guy is sticking out his tongue and holding rocks - "Go away! I don't need your help!" Trust me, if you don't go, rocks will be thrown - at your head. I am pleased with how he turned out although the end result is nothing like the beginning.

There I sat with my Sculpey in hand, pulling, tugging, shaping. Nothing was working. It was wrong. All wrong. After a couple of hours of getting where I deemed nowhere I was ready to smash the whole thing and start from scratch. It was in the smashing that the belly and bottom popped out. I stopped smashing and greeted my soon to be monster. After the belly and bottom came out the rest flowed rather easily.

I didn't mean for it to look so amphibian, but then perhaps that's just the way creativity goes sometimes. I originally wanted a blue demon, but because of his aquatic like appearance I choose green. I refer to him as the love child of Shrek and the Swamp Thing - if that's even possible. But loved he is. Very pleased with him. Now, what do I do with him.........

Just Journaling

Here are my first attempts at 'art journaling'. Just playing around with some exercises from a book. Not brilliant, but a beginning. See, no need to critic me - I do it myself. Actually, I'm very good at it. You have no idea how hard it was to do these pages. I simply have a hard time letting go and playing. I want the directions, I want the steps. And what I'm finding out in my attempt to live creatively is that there are no directions. You just go Nike on it and 'do it'.

A real struggle for my 'all things must balance' bookkeeping mind. As much as I dislike bookkeeping for a profession, there is that element of balance that appeals to me - very black and white - it either balances or it does not. Very easy to see if you have it right or not. This is not the case in creative living! Is this 'right'? Is this balanced? Is this done? You can see where I drive myself nuts. I'm my own worse enemy. If I could just get myself out of the way I may stand a chance at this new life I'm trying to make for myself!

Short and sweet today. Must run and get ready for a women's retreat I'm going to this weekend. You have no idea the anxiety I'm feeling over this.....these aren't AA women, these are church women......very nervous not knowing what to expect. But then I suppose life would be rather dull if we always knew what was coming around the corner. It's all o.k. - it's always o.k.

Stiching

This is a little something I whipped out - inspired by a exercise from the Oct/Nov 2009 Quilting Arts magazine. Started with freezer paper - painted - tulle glued over top and then stitched the detail on top. I made a panel and sewed it to a cloth grocery bag. I gave it to a friend who graciously helped us in our 'garden' this past summer. This amazing woman came over in her work clothes and gloves and took charge - telling us where to move plants etc. The whole front area feels much better. Yes, I know this is November and I am just now getting around to the thank you.....hey, better late than never - right?? I've gotta tell you - I really loved the feel of 'coloring' with thread. It was a lot of fun. I could see myself doing more of that. I also liked the doodle like feeling of the flowers going all over. The article in the magazine does such a better job of texture and dimension - colors over lapping colors. I really struggle with all that. Not sure how to give my work depth. Bit frustrating, but I think the important thing is to just keep trying. Like Dory from Finding Nemo - I've got to 'just keep swimming, just keep swimming'......'just keep creating, just keep creating'.

Rule 62

So I haven't posted all summer....there's a surprise. I had a feeling I may get off schedule with the kids out of school - pretty much banked on that. What I didn't bank on was my husband being diagnosed with an acoustic neuroma (benign tumor between ear area & brain). Needless to say the rug got pulled out from under us and we felt like we were standing naked in the middle of a 5 lane highway dodging cars. Our summer was spent researching (too much You Tubing by my husband watching every horror story related to this condition), visiting specialists and getting all our ducks in a row. Do I admit this on the world wide web - oh, what the heck - prior to this news my husband and I did not have a will in place. Totally irresponsible I know - considering we have two children to consider.

So we did a lot of growing up this summer. Thanks to a kind attorney friend we now have a will. My husband bit the bullet and sold his motorcycle so we'd have some extra funds for medical expenses. We thoroughly reviewed all his options and we prayed a lot. That was a huge factor in this whole process. We were being watched over and the path was cleared for us. We got appointments faster than anticipated. His motorcycle sold in two days - for asking price & cash. The offer to get our will done came unexpectedly. All the pieces fit together. Even the decision between surgery and radiation was made pretty clear to us (he chose Gamma Knife Radiation).

So although it's been a crazy summer full of ups and downs in the end it's all been o.k. Some huge growth has come out of this and although it has pulled at our marriage, in the end it has made it that much stronger.

So by now you may be wondering what exactly is Rule 62. Well, basically it means don't take yourself so damn seriously. Another nugget of the AA program. The picture is of a project I finished for my friend who celebrated her first year in the program. I had originally started it for her 6 month celebration, but then life happened and it got put aside. I was so pleased with the end result I found it really hard to let it go. But I knew it belonged to her ( I did take it to Kinko's and got some really nice copies made so now I have one hanging in my art room). The license plate reads Rule 62 and of course there is special meaning behind the scene - not to be shared in a public forum. I will say this though, looking at it now it reminds me of a saying we have "Don't leave 5 minutes before the miracle" - don't jump ship too soon.

Natural Art

Don't you love it when you find cool stuff in nature? Well, I do. I feel like Mother Nature made it for me to find - to discover - to see it in a new way.  The beach is a great place to find objects. We went to Tillamook Memorial Day weekend and took a hike around Cape Lookout.  A hike that switch backed down a cliff to a quiet beach.  The kids hit the sand and broke out into a full gallop.  I found a worn piece of drift wood and took a rest - I don't quite have the energy level of my kids - fancy that!  I loved sitting there in warm weather - a rare occurrence for the Oregon coast - watching the kids run unselfconsciously all over the beach - arms waving wildly in the air.  My son came running up to me, hands full of beach treasure, and said "This beach is rich!". And he was right. It was rich - our world is rich with treasures - it's just a matter of seeing.  

Positano Postcard

Here is what I gave my mother for Mother's Day.  Last year she took me to Italy and we traveled down the Amalfi coast.  I still think it was a bit of a guilt trip - I just made a funny, aren't mothers always taking us on guilt trips? But what I mean is that SHE was feeling guilty because she helped pay for my brother to go to rehab a couple years ago and I think she felt she had to do something equally big.  I didn't argue and frankly I'd rather do Italy than rehab!

Here's the crazy thing. Just months prior to my mom inviting me on this trip I had watched the video A Good Woman with Helen Hunt (very good) and in the opening she is on a boat heading into Amalfi. It was so gorgeous and breathtakingly beautiful that I had to interrupt the video and take a moment to write down: "Place to visit - Amalfi, Italy."  You can imagine how far down my jaw dropped when my mother invited me to travel with her along the Amalfi coast.  

As it turns out it was a very odd trip - it would take a novel to detail all that happened - but the places I saw were among the most beautiful I've ever seen.  Especially Ravello - I think my heart is still up there on that marbled overlook.

So a year later - almost to the day - I decide a fabric interpretation of Positano would fit the bill for a good Mother's Day gift.  I used one of my photos as inspiration and basically fused fabric down where I wanted it and stitched over the top. Added some beads for some detail and texture to the church dome and viola - my memory of Positano. Enjoy!

Singing my own song

This is my latest creation and I can actually visually share it with you all because my husband finally found the cord for the digital camera - allowing me to download my photos from the camera to the computer. Let me tell you this lost cord was nearly the end of our 20 year relationship.....well, not really, but bloody frustrating because I knew, I just KNEW, it was my husband that misplaced it.  I hate to tell you so (no I don't), but I was right!  This past Saturday I told my husband that the sun would not go down on the day without him finding the cord - don't I sound like a joy to live with?!  But low and behold he found the cord within 30 minutes of cleaning up the den - found in a spot that he promised he had thoroughly searched. Hmm.

So cord found I now suppose I have no excuses for being a better blogger.  

I do like this little piece I made.  It started out as a project for a challenge a local gallery was having, but then I discovered I totally misinterpreted the challenge.  Instead of chucking it I just kept going with it - chanting my mantra to myself, "It doesn't have to be perfect. It doesn't have to be perfect......"  And it's not. The fact that it's from a misinterpreted challenge is in itself a perfect imperfection.  I messed up the binding. I messed up the words. I accidentally cut through the top fabric and had to glue it down. And it's all o.k.  

The words were an afterthought.  I stood back and looked at it and it just came to me - these two little birds - looking the same but not the same - singing their own tunes in different directions. It feels good to me.

I was excited that I actually followed through on something and got it finished. I was also excited because I was actually going to keep it and put it in my freshly painted art room.  But just an hour ago I realized I can't keep it. I have a friend who I must give it to.  She is struggling in her life and because music speaks to her I want her to have it to remind her it's o.k. to sing her own tune.    

Funny how life works.  I hadn't spoken to this friend for months. I started my little birds a couple of weeks ago and finished Tuesday morning.  Tuesday afternoon this friend walks back into my life and we are now reconnected. I looked at my birds this morning and just knew that this piece was created for her - it all makes sense now.  While I was making it I didn't know where it was all coming from or why, but I kept going with it - determined to finish it. Now I know it was all for her. 

Going to the Dogs

Here is my latest creation - a birthday gift for my brother. Can you see where I got my inspiration?  Tank is our basset hound and my art room buddy. He hangs out in his bed while I putter around acting creative. 

My brother loves dogs - quite possibly more than he loves people - and as he is not one to open up about his personal life (only on rare occasions) we have a relationship that seems to be based around our dogs. I know more about the comings and goings of his dog Bufford than I know about my brother. Our dogs have voices. Our dogs have opinions and attitudes.  Our dogs are part of the family.  

So in honor of our dogs I decided to make a mini one for my brother.  Now mind you I started this back in December - the day after Christmas.  Judy Wise was kicking out little Sculpey figures every day back in December, but this little guy took me until April to finish. I actually finished the body rather quickly - within a week. But then it sat on my desk daring me to mess it up by actually painting it.  As my brother's birthday came and went I mustered the courage to break out the paint & bite the bullet.  It worked out o.k. and it was only a couple weeks late to my brother. As he even said - better to be late because then he wouldn't have to feel so guilty about never getting my gifts to me on time - that is when he actually remembers.  OK, I've got to ease up on my poor brother - he was actually the first one this year to call me on my birthday. Kudos to you, Dru.

OK - off to do some more creatin'.  When I find the bloody camera cord I'll be able to download and post the gift I made for my mom for Mother's Day. Rather pleased with it.

Hotel Art??

So you be the judge - does my tree qualify as hotel art?  Do I even care?  Because after painting, repainting and repainting yet again 95 friggin' leaves this SOB is going on my wall above the couch.  I had suggested I may take a photo of the hideous 80's art it will be replacing, but I just can't bring myself to do it.  I will share other intimate details of my life with y'all, but to show you what has been hanging on my wall for the past 7 years is way too embarrassing. So I just have to run out and buy protective clear coverage gunk to spray over it - thanks to pal Traci I know where to go and what to buy.

And I have to be honest about the design of this piece - it is not mine. There's a surprise.  The idea for the background border came from Pier 1 (couldn't afford the $400 they wanted for their painting) and the tree is taken from Stampin' Up of all places from their vinyl wall art designs.  I just have to keep practicing and playing and believing that my own style will one day emerge.  I have faith it will.  I think that must come with confidence - something I'm in short supply of at the moment.  When I have the courage to be me in my work then my style will come out. And I don't understand why I can't visually do that since I'm pretty much able to do that in my writing?  I write like I talk.  My voice comes through my writing why can't it come through my art? Is my art my writing?  

So I've just messed up my blasted mascara from a crying fit I just had.  Why am I so neurotic about creating art? I hate that word right now - ART. What the hell is it anyway and why do I not feel entitled to even use the word in regards to myself?  Why am I such a freakin' mess this morning?  Where are all these feelings coming from? It's like a bunch of sea gulls hovering over my head taking turns to dive bomb down on me.  Cheeky bastards just keep coming at me. Anyway, if you see a flustered woman walking around mumbling to herself and swatting at the air, that will be me - just cross to the other side of the street and say a pray of thanksgiving that it's not you - because you and I both know that it could be....

 

Create

This is a week off work for me so I have been busy on my canvas - I think I mentioned that I finally got to work on it after it sitting in it's wrapper for over a year!  Anyway, you'd think I was working on the the Sistine Chapel when in fact I'm fearful I'm on the verge of creating hotel art. Well, hotel art may be a bit harsh - even for me - but possibly reception room art! I have 21 more leaves to paint and then I must repaint all 95 of them because evidently red requires many coats.  I'll be brave and take a photo of it to post & no matter what, it's going on my wall because it is definitely better than the piece o' crap that is currently hanging on my wall over my couch.  In fact, just for the heck of it I will take a photo of that so you can see exactly what I've been living with for oh, say, the past 7 years!! Can you tell I'm rather slow to change?

But I am changing and I'd like to think for the better. Even though my last post kind of surprised my husband that I'd go into such personal details of myself.  My immediate reaction was to worry he was right, but then I stopped myself.  You know, I've spent most of my life putting on a good show for everyone.  Trying really hard to be things I wasn't.  It got me in a lot of trouble and it got me really miserable.  Perhaps I'm swinging too much the other way now - giving out TMI on myself. But this is me. I can't be anything other than that now - I immediately get too uncomfortable in my own skin when I try to be something I'm not.  I've worked too hard to come out of that black hole to willingly go crawling back in.  I sometimes sit on the edge of that hole - looking down into the darkness - but I don't stay there long.  Too risky and I know where that hole leads - I don't ever want to go back there again.

So I'll keep making reception room art if that what it takes to keep me out of holes. 

Painting the Roses Red

I just loved making the swirly roses with my watercolor pencils and then taking a small paint brush to them and watching all the colors swish around. Made me think of the cards in Alice in Wonderland painting the roses red. Hopefully nobody will cut off my head.....

Perfect Pen

Here it is - in all it's glory - my perfect pen. My pen that I have been searching practically my whole life for - well, for as long as I have realized I have a pen fetish. Yes, some women have a weakness for shoes and purses - I succumb to pens. I say once an addict always an addict - we just change our addictions. I have been sober almost 8 years now, but my pen purchases have been on the rise - along with my candy intake. I have a certain cabinet in my kitchen that houses my candy stash - yes, another addiction. Well, this stash had gotten so bad that my son recently opened the cabinet door and as candy was falling every where he turned, looked my in the eyes and simply said "Oh, mom." I felt horrible - like he caught me taking a swig of liquor. Anyway, it was one of the ah-hah moments and I knew I had to do something about my little problem. So for this Lent season I have given up all candy. Now, being the true alcoholic I am, I have left a loop hole for myself - I am still allowed to have desert type items - cake, cookies, ice cream - all fair game! Please don't be like my husband and try to point out the insanity of this reasoning. It makes sense to me. My candy stash was filled with sugar candy - Skittles, Runts, Mike & Ikes, Nerds, Sweet Tarts, Smarties, I could go on, but to maintain some dignity I think I will stop there - you get the picture. And let's face it, I'm smart enough to realize that there is something deeper going on when I see my candy consumption out of control. Time to do a little more life work.

But I have totally digressed from my perfect pen - fancy me going off on a tangent.....My pen. My beautiful rose covered pen that writes like a bird floating on the wind. It feels so good in my hand - chubby with some heft - it feels solid. I had spotted this little gem at a store in Portland called Oblation. I could move into this store. Beautiful stationary, journals, cards, hand made papers, and of course writing instruments of all kinds. If you are ever in town you must go there and breath it all in - yummy 'papery' smell mingled with leather and wood. So, now that I have this amazing pen I am suppose to be able to finally write my story - whatever that story may be! I have been procrastinating because I couldn't possibly write without the perfect pen! Well, now I have no more excuses - although I'm sure my back-stabbing friend, Fear, will help come up with some new ones!

Be Mine - Valentine

Hard to believe

A hot September night in '88

Bodies crowding, beer flowing, G & R rocking

Who would have thought that brief meeting would bring us here

Twenty years gone by so fast

Two kids, two cars, a mortgage, and a big lazy hound dog

That coaster dropping us down, then bringing us back from danger.

Over and over. Crazy, fun and scary as hell.

Who knows where it'll end up. Who cares. I love the ride.

My little Apple Checks. My Goober. My Georgia Peach.

What would I do without my little pug nose.

We're blessed.

I love you. I love our life.

From my husband to me on this Valentine. Totally priceless and I have no more to add. 

Neglected

It seems like everything else I have given birth to, this little blog has been neglected for the past couple weeks. Well, I'm a little better with my kids, but not much - just ask them - you know kids, they have no trouble speaking the truth.  Wish I could say I have been up to creating wonderful art, but alas, I can't even say that. Not even sure where the time has gone - I guess busy making connections with new people and finding God's purpose in my life - HA! 

One fun item to note is my pregnant lady has made her way to Sixth Street Gallery and is in a little corner off to the side of the main gallery with other local artists' work.  I have to say it was fun to go and see her looking all official.  It's just strange having something I made floating out there in the real world.  

My latest photo is a project I'm working on for a friend - had hopes of having it done as a Christmas gift, but oh well!  This is just the beginning - I know what I want the picture to look like, I'm just finding it challenging to execute - it will have involve a vehicle and people and YIKES how in the #@$&*%! do I do THAT?  I guess one step at a time - I should know that by now.  Anyway, it's just going to be collaged paper onto a 12 x 12 canvas board - it's a cheery beginning. I'll post the finished product - even if it's rubbish.  I found when I finally started this project I had to sit there and repeat to myself "It doesn't have to be perfect. There is no such thing as perfect - there is no such thing as perfect - there is no such thing as perfect" I think I said it so many times I actually convinced myself - for a few minutes anyway. It was an awesome day in my art room - I guess that's the main thing.

The Sweetest Treat

So here she is - my prego lady for the "Sweet Treats" entry at the Sixth Street Gallery.  Now you are probably wondering how this translates into a sweet treat so follow me on this one. My original thought was this - I love nude women (please don't read more into that other than I appreciate the female body on an artistic level!) so I basically wanted to create a nude. How to work that into a sweet treat? That's when 'bun in the oven popped into my head - with the recent pregnancy of my friend Janet helping to spur that image along. But at the end of all this as I'm painting the final touches and after holding my friends baby grandson, I thought "Aren't babies really the sweetest treat of all?" Many of you may be thinking "Heck NO!" or "It depends on the day you ask me" etc. But the bottom line is all life starts out as a baby of some sort - and for the female to create this inside of her body is an absolute miracle.  I won't get into the part of the baby growing up to be a middle schooler.....that is a whole other piece of art involving lots of black and an occasional splash of color! 

Over all I am very pleased with her and wish my photos did her justice. I hope she will be well received, but I have to thicken my skin in case she isn't. I suppose I must realize not all people will like my stuff and to find a way to be o.k. with that.  I like her and am well pleased with her - isn't that the opinion that matters most?  

Dazed and Confused

I had fully intended to have a week full of posts, but I guess we all know what they say about good intentions. Somehow life and work got in my way this week - funny how that is. Oddly enough I don't get paid for just sitting around posting my thoughts all day. To be honest it was a really trying week - to put it mildly - and I am sitting here not knowing what to think about anything. I don't even have the joy of using my happy mug this morning (the one with bright, happy flowers all over it) because it broke this week. That was the final straw - I looked up, shook my head and thought 'you have GOT to be kidding me'.

But it was no joke - none of this week was a joke. My sponsor would say this is all a great growing opportunity. Well, if that's the case then I'm having growing pains. I'm really struggling to know what I'm suppose to be doing. Where I fit in. What my purpose is. Blah, blah, blah. I make myself nauseated with all this stuff - imagine what my poor husband has to put up with. He said my life theme song should be Crazy Train by Ozzy Osbourne - I tend to agree with him. Unfortunately in my family that comes a little too close to home as bi-polar disease seems to run in my father's family. In fact, my father is currently on the Crazy Train - I haven't spoken to him in almost 8 months. So it doesn't help to have that nagging fear of really going crazy in the back of my mind - whispering to me that this is the beginning of the end.

The worst of this week was that I took a chance and shared an idea with someone. I am so tired of doing nothing with my ideas - I think of them and write them out in my journal - tag the page for future reference and there they sit. And sit. And sit. Nothing materializes because I have not found the courage to pull them off the page. But this one idea nagged at me and has to do with another area of my life. So I took it off the journal page - discussed it with others and put a little something together to show someone I thought may be in a position to guide me. It was a disaster. Never having done something like that before I felt very vulnerable and unsure of myself. I feel like I exposed my naked self to this person and that they took a glance and said no thanks. This was something I thought I may be able to share with a community I'm a part of but I felt the answer I got was I need to go pursue this personally. I felt crushed and confused. I don't know if I didn't get my idea across well enough - to be fair I hadn't worked it all the way through and my verbal presentation skills are seriously lacking - I get horribly flustered and tongue tied with people of authority. It left me questioning so many things - not the least of which was my participation in this community and whether I wanted to continue it. Which after 10 years will be a hard decision to come to, but one that will have to be made.

I was also pretty angry after this meeting and anger has always been a great motivator for me. It seems all my majors changes in life have been partially pushed along by anger. So I took my anger and made phone calls, did some searching on the web and got connected with an organization that is doing what I'm interested in. So my friend and I spent last night under the Burnside Bridge helping to hand out food to homeless people. I have never done anything like that before - had no idea what to expect - had no idea what I was suppose to do or say, but I went and I did it. I did whatever was needed by the organizers, I tried my best to interact with everyone - which being an extreme introvert was a real challenge for me. My friend and I walked away exhausted and frozen to the bone - and feeling very much alive. I would like to somehow visually document this journey - these people have names and stories - and I'd like to share this journey with anyone interested in seeing it.

I have no idea where all this is coming from. This was suppose to be my year to focus on creating - but maybe this is what I'm suppose to be creating. I have no idea. I just don't know anything anymore and it all feels very overwhelming. So this is where I'm at. I am so far outside my box I don't even know where the bloody thing is anymore.

Through all of this I am trying to work on a piece for a gallery that is allowing locals to submit their work for a small donation & they will have it on display in their back room. I don't care if it's on display in the cleaning closet of the gallery - I want to make this deadline. My photos are rubbish, but this is the woman I am working on. The theme of the submissions is "Sweet Treats" and I'm calling my pregnant woman - "My sweet bun in the oven". I love the pregnant body - I think it's incredibly beautiful and such a miracle that a woman's body can create life. I personally loved being pregnant (minus the very last two days when I felt like a beached whale that could barely move from location to location). This piece will go to my friend Janet, who after years of trying is finally pregnant with her second.

I started with a wire frame - bulked her out with tin foil and then added the Sculpey. I have really enjoyed making her - love the feel of my fingers shaping her body. Is she perfect? Heck, no. I'm sure I have missed some major muscle tissues and bone structures - but OH WELL. I think people will be able to tell it's a pregnant woman - much to the embarrassment of my children. "Aren't you going to put clothes on her?" they ask me. "No" I reply. "But you can see all her parts". "Exactly" I say. They just shake their heads and walk off.

So I suppose all I can do as far as life goes is keep my head up, keep breathing and put one foot in front of the other - hopefully not in the direction of a steep cliff......

Connections

My God loves me.  I know this in so many ways, but especially today.  It started when I woke to discover a beautiful fog covering my neighborhood.  I love fog.  I don't exactly know why, but I just do. Something so comforting about it - feels very snug and cozy to me.  It feels peaceful and serene - it seems to make the world a quite place.  

So I got my fog this morning - a big hug from God.  And then as I sat at my computer with my steaming hot cup of coffee (in my happy flower mug) connection after connection started to happen.  I had spent some time journaling about a connected moment I had this week. I had been on my knees in prayer - in total frustration over the state of my life.  Miserable in my bookkeeping job and feeling guilty because in todays economy I should be grateful just to have a job.  So there I am, bended knees, head down, telling God I have so much more I want to be doing. Ha! - me  TELLING God what I have planned - yes, I see the humor.  My reply was that I'm doing exactly what I need to be doing in this moment - at this time - in this day. I answered that there is so much more that I want out of life. Response - Why would I give you more when you are not happy with what you have right now.  Ouch.  I sunk a little lower when I realized the truth of that statement.  I spent the rest of the week focused on living in the moment and being grateful for exactly what is. 

So I am at my computer, catching up on a week's worth of emails, blog viewings etc. and the power of connectedness hit me broadside.  I reconnected with a friend who was instrumental in getting this whole art journey going. I got connected to a website offering a collage workshop that I have now signed up for. One thing after another.  Boom, boom, boom.  It has left me a little breathless this morning and very excited and worked up.  I am now off to spend an hour in my backyard - working on clean up that should have been done months ago.  I don't feel one bit of resentment about having to do it - it's all o.k.  I am at peace today, in this moment, at this time. 

Messing Around

No major projects under taken at the moment - just trying to tie up 2008 and get my head around 2009.  So to keep myself going I have been doing some doodling in my long forgot art journal. Actually, I don't know what to call this journal - just a gathering place of ideas & inspirations, sketches, practicing, dabbling, playing and well, basically messing around. 

I feel a little naked posting these photos and please keep in mind I have had NO art training what so ever - so be kind when you look at my crooked mug and all the other imperfections.  Give me some numbers and a bank statement and I can make magic happen - give me pencil and paper and tell me to draw & I'm like a deer caught in headlights.  

Well, folks, it's back to the real life tomorrow. Kids back to school and it's a working week for me. Routine, routine, routine - it's a love/hate relationship for me - like a torrid love affair. I need it so much and things go so right when I have it, but then I resent it for the very reason I love it - the confines, the structure, being told what to do and when to do - so I leave it, kick it to the curb and try to live life without it. Disaster, resulting in miserable surrender and begging for routine to come back. It always does.

Redefine in 2009

My mottto for 2009 - REDEFINE.  It's the new year and since 2003 I try to come up with a motto for the year - just my own personal hang-up.  I have made some progress on my mottoes since 2003 - which was "Don't F--- with me in 2003". What can I say - that was a bad year - separation with husband, near divorce and hanging on the edge of sanity by my fingernails.  Yes, I'm in a much better space now.  So with a little help from the dictionary here is what Redefine means to me:  to redetermine the limits or nature of myself - to restate the meaning of myself - to recreate myself.  A good, positive goal for 2009.  

The photos above show you exactly where I like to recreate myself.  This is our converted dinning room that is now my space to create.  I like my space. It's cozy.  When I walk into it I feel like I'm slipping into my skin.  Being comfortable in my own skin is a new experience for me. By far the biggest gift of the AA program.  

Well, I really must dash - off to what, I'm not sure, but it's pushing noon & I really must move beyond the pajamas today. Plus, it may be time to start doing all this creating I'm talking about. The past 2 postings have been a bit of a cop out - photos of things already existing.